Welcome to the Beautiful View Podcast, where we encourage you to look for opportunities in your life to see a beautiful view. 

I'm candy and I'm Paul. This episode. The first since we celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary on February 23rd. So we wanted to do something special to mark the occasion. 

Yes. Yeah. We are going to discuss some of the ways that we have each changed since we first got married. Shocking, I know. 

Right. 

And how we have continued to grow together through those changes as a married couple? And we'll share some tips for you to use to grow your marriage as well. 

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the beautiful view. 

I'm not. Of where I'm going because I know 10 or I'd go anywhere as long as you go into. Anywhere, as long as I'm with you. 

So you wrote the first draft of this outline a few weeks ago, didn't you? 

I. And then we got. 

What he did is. 

As you may notice, my voice is a little croaky today. 

It is, but you have a voice. 

I do have a voice which is an improvement from last week where I only had a whisper. 

Right, right. 

So that's why we're a little bit behind and getting things rolling with this podcast, so. 

Yeah, we had to miss an episode and this one we kind of left until the very last minute. That means we've only missed one episode, which we felt like we'd missed too. We've lost track of time and everything. 

Yeah. Oh, gosh. Like I think this coming Tuesday will be 4 weeks of this sickness. 

Yes. Yeah. 

It has just been. It's been rough so. 

It's been rough and we know that many of you are going through the same thing, so keep. 

We empathize. 

Yeah. So keep taking the vitamin C. We hope you get better soon. 

Yeah. So what else have we been up to besides being sick? 

Well, Tyler is kind of entered a different phase in his school year. He has finished up his basketball season, which good for him, and so he had. 

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. 

We had the last 2-3 games there and now the schedules change and he he gets to focus a little bit more on his academics. 

Yep. And he is getting inducted into the National Honor Society this coming Tuesday, which is really exciting. 

Yes. Yeah. We're so proud of him. 

Very proud of him. 

Yeah. Yeah, she did. 

Emily started a new job. She's got herself a big girl job and she turned 21 this last weekend, so. 

She is. 

She is is all grown up. 

The girl now so. 

Yeah. So she she is now working in Dubuque, so she travels back and forth from. 

Good. 

So that's something that we're getting used to as well, just the new little routine in our family schedule. We did, yes. 

We celebrated our anniversary on Sunday or two weeks ago Sunday, I guess. 

Yes. 

23rd anniversary on the 20. So thank you again for joining us today. 

Yeah. 

Yes. Thank you. 

I think today's subject is a really interesting topic. 

Uh. 

So like many young couples in the early days of our marriage. We face life changes, job changes, relocations. 

Mm. 

Children like starting a family. 

Mm. 

Blending our families together. 

Yeah. 

Pregnancy. Infant loss. There's lots of of those similar events that happen in couples lives. 

Yeah. And those things each had the potential. To challenge our relationship today, we're going to discuss how those experiences changed both of us, both individually and as a couple, and how we've continued to grow together in our marriage, yes. 

Yes. 

I read something the other day that I think completely applies to this episode. It said love isn't always perfect. It isn't a fairy tale or a storybook, and it doesn't always come. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on, and never letting go. It's a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define. And impossible to live without love is work. But most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute and every second was worth it. You did it together, yes. 

Love can be and is about romance, but a lot of the time we demonstrate our love for each other through the effort that we put in when things are not so easy. 

Yeah. 

Life can be difficult for everyone. It's what you decide to focus on and how you deal with these difficulties together that can make the difference. 

I can remember when we first got married. 

Uh. 

I think we were both a little bit blinded by love. The other could do no wrong. Oh, we were having the time of our lives. Do you remember that marriage retreat we had to go to that time when we were on churches? I think we'd been married less than a year. 

Oh my goodness. 

We thought they were crazy. 

Yeah, I mean, I might be wrong about this, but I believe that was just a few weeks after we got back from our honeymoon. 

It might have been so. 

The memory that I have was it was just plain awkward. 

Oh, it was that. 

It was kind of designed for couples that were a little further along in their marriage. In fact, everybody else there was. Like 810 years of marriage and so. And we had just got back from. 

Oh yeah, yeah. 

Honeymoon. And so we were on this cloud of happiness and. Yeah. Which was admittedly like, more like a romance novel. Not, not that I've ever read a romance novel, but we were put into, like, the middle of the situation where we're all sitting in a room together. 

Yeah. 

It wasn't like there was many couples either. Was just a few. And so we're sitting together and we're put into discussions where we had to admit our faults to each other. And read like these precomposed messages to each other that we were given. 

I don't remember a. You seem to remember a lot more about it than I remember us giggling. 

Oh, I remember. 

Lot. Were. 

We were giggling because it was just awkward. 

It was ridiculous. 

Like what else do? Do and then. 

Now to. To be fair, I'm sure that some of the other couples in that room, like I'm sure it was very beneficial to them. They were at a different stage in their marriage and we are not putting down marriage retreats or anything like that or. 

Yes, yes. No, no, no, no, it was. It was fine. 

Some. Yes. 

It was just we were like right back from our, like, we barely got the the the the luggage on pack. And we're straight into like this sort of like semi intense, sort of like marriage like thing like, how is everybody doing? We're great. I also remember a trip that we had planned toward the end of that year in complete ignorance and. We we were just like, oh, we need to go back to San Antonio for New Year's and then and then we found out that. 

Yeah. 

The church we were. Well, where I was on staff, I had this new New Year's Eve tradition and I was expected to be there like it was compulsory. 

Mm. 

Yeah. 

We had to cancel that trip. So we ended up, we ended up playing cards. 

Sad. Till midnight. 

Until midnight, with the old folks from the church. 

With all. 

That was one way to spend New Years. 

Yeah. Well, the fact is when we join our hearts and lives together in marriage, we bring 2 very imperfect people together. And we have to try to figure out the insurance and outs of how to make this marriage thing work. As a couple over time, you sometimes feel yourselves growing apart and it will take effort to make sure you grow back together. You will witness so many different versions of yourself and your partner. What? Growing together, some versions will be easier to love than others. But growth is the key. 

Yes, it is. The biggest thing I have been learning during the course of our marriage is humility. This level of commitment and the nature of the issues that we've had to work through is not going to get solved by a sentence that begins with. Well, all we have to do is. As much as guys like to think stuff, it's not about a dodgy alternator in a car. This is life. This is reality. 

Damn, yeah, marriages do take work and compromise from both parties. Let's talk about some of the ways that we were alike and different back then. I was young, confident and very social at that point in. 

Yes, yes you were. 

Life. I was self-employed as a hair stylist and I had built up a decent business. Listen, we used to think we had a lot in common in those early days. I think as time went on, though, we realized that we did have a few things in common. 

A few. Yes. Uh. 

But we also had a lot of differences. 

I had a degree of confidence back then and I do remember the strong, confident young lady that you were. I was of course, I was 30 years. So if you don't know already, like we have a seven-year age gap between us. So I was 30 back then, so we're talking 23 years ago. Do the math. And so I was definitely more confident back then. And it was just part of being younger. But the fact was that I had moved to a completely different country and culture that was so very, very different from the one that I had left behind, which meant that things were exciting and new. You know, like when you go on vacation to a new place. 

Sure. Yeah. 

Maybe go overseas or whatever. You know that that excitement was there, like it was like an extended vacation from that perspective. 

I. 

But I was also out of my element in a lot of. 

Yeah. 

I was actually completely dependent upon you to be my tour guide in this new world, and I think that might have maybe put a little bit of pressure on you. 

Yeah. I don't know if it put more pressure on me, but it definitely was different because I was used to having my independence, my friends, my family, my work, things like that, and I just had to try to figure out how to fit. 

Right. 

Mm. 

You and us into those routines and the things that. 

Hmm. 

Yes. 

Were already. So in our relationship, you know you moving over here from England happened so quickly did that was kind of. 

It. Like Tada here I am. 

Yeah. So I had to figure out how to go from being just on my own to. This I had to figure out how to integrate you into all of those things that I was a part of so. 

And I guess leading up to that point, you know, every time that we have been together. Either over here in the US or in England, there was always that return ticket. 

Mm. 

There was a date that we were not looking forward to it, but this. 

Yeah, right. Course. 

Time it was for good. Yes, yes. 

It was for good. So, and I think back then I think actually still I stretch you a lot. 

That's true. 

I was pretty carefree back then, though, and I've always had a little bit of an adventurous spirit and I love a good road trip. 

Yeah. 

I took my first cross country road trip when I was just barely 21 years old. In my brand new car with my cousin and. 

Yep. 

And I flew several times on my own before we kind of got together and got married, so. 

Which is different from me. 

Because like my first flight was when we first met and I was 29. 

Yeah. Yeah, that was the first time that you had left England. 

So yeah, very different. I hadn't traveled that much at all. I thought I had. I mean, I thought I had traveled, but what I classified as travel in the UK wouldn't have got me outside of Texas. If you take a 5 or 6 hour drive in England, you will encounter some different regional accents and a little bit of a change in scenery, but it's all like within the same context. 

Mm. Hmm yeah. 

Know there's still a fish and chip shop down the road. There's still a pub. I mean some of the things just don't change from town to town sound. It's not really that big of a place. 

Right, right. I remember when the kids were little. And we took a big road trip to California to visit my sister and her family when they were station in San Diego at Camp Pendleton. 

Yes. Oh yeah. 

And I think you. We were gonna drop off the face of the planet. 

Well, we, we. 

You had a little bit of a panic attack somewhere in all of that. 

Well, the, the the way that works out is we just kept, I mean from Texas to California is a. 

It's a long way. 

Way. And so we kept driving and driving and driving and driving W the same direction. And so for this guy who grew, who grew up on an island. 

Yeah. 

I'm like, we're going to fall off the. 

Edge of the. 

World I thought I was OK. And then we we were approaching the mountain range in California where you cross the mountain range in San Diego is kind of on the other side, that's the simplified version. But before you get to the mountain range, there's a. An expanse of desert that takes several hours to get across, and at first it was fine because you know, I'm like, oh, you know, sand the desert. 

Oh yeah. 

Really. And then after it came going, and I'm like, that was like the most isolated I've ever felt. 

Head just kept going keep. 

That was that was the point where I'm like. Got my kids with me. And our kids were small at the time. 

Yeah. 

And what happens if our vehicle, you know, has problems? We're in the desert. 

Yeah, gas stations were few and far between at that point. 

It was. It was. I I honestly felt like I'd landed on Mars. When we first got married, and of course, like this is from my perspective. I'll be interested to get your reaction to. 

Yeah. 

When we. Through those first years as a married couple. I remember approaching each event in our. Good or bad, easy or challenging and encountering and dealing with that thing the way that I always had before we got married. 

Yeah. 

It was interesting to me that, like, not with everything, but with a lot of things you tended to approach each event differently than me. Like the the the importance that you gave. That how your stress level. And how you chose to deal with those situations was different to me. And so I just found it interesting. That the way that I approach things, the way that you approach things was different because we used to say we have so much in common, but some of the differences became evident when we were dealing with situations. 

Yes, absolutely. I've always been. Extremely independent. And I think that was one of the hardest things for me and those early days. I wasn't used to having someone helping me with cleaning and with putting towels away and. 

I was just trying to be. 

Cooking. 

I was trying to be a good. 

Husband. 

You were a very good husband. Or even wanting to help me, right. So when we first got married, you moved into my one bedroom apartment. 

I. 

I did a space that I had gotten used to being in by myself. And I was very happy to have you there, but there were definitely some growing pains in that time. 

Yes, I would say that I wanted to kind of. From your approach. To find out what makes you tick. But I at that point I didn't realize I would end up changing quite as much as I did from that point forward. 

Yeah, that is interesting. 

In my sort of lack of wisdom, as I say, I was 30 years old. I believe that I had pretty much grown into the person that I was going to be at 30 and so change for me was not something that I thought was going to happen. 

At 30. 

And I mean, I was just a foolish 30 year old and I I didn't realize what was to come. 

Yeah, this goes back to bringing 2 very different people from 2 very different backgrounds and upbringing's and bringing them together in marriage. Of course, we approach things differently. I think the difference is, like you said, you came into our marriage. You were seven years older than me. Yes, with experience in many areas that I was not yet experienced. And The thing is, we are always growing in this life. We never arrive. There are so many. A married couple can learn from each other if we open ourselves to growing together. 

Yes. The other thing that was a huge factor in our relationship at first was that we were just so happy to be together. 

Yes, we were. 

We had to be apart during the immigration process for long stretches of time while we were waiting for the next part of the paperwork to come through, so we were going through those stretches of time, not even knowing how long it was going to take. 

This is. Yeah. 

But but now we got to be together all the. And so that was the excitement that we kind of built upon it first. 

Yeah. Yeah, it was a very exciting time for us. It can be super complicated when you take two people from, in our case, two different countries, two different cultures, 2 very different upbringings. You throw some baggage in the mix and then you have to try to figure out life together. 

Yes. 

I think that showed its face the most when I started talking about wanting to have children. You weren't exactly on board with that at first. 

No. So it was a situation where I really didn't know how. Well, I was going to feel about it or how I was going to react to it until we were actually facing it. At that point, I already had two children and a failed marriage, and so it was tough for me to even think beyond the hurt I had already caused my kids. So when you talk about baggage? This is one of the largest items of. That I brought with me. Now I don't mean my. Of course, I I just mean that I was in a very different life stage than you. 

Or. Yeah, it was kind of one of those things that we had to kind of meet in the middle, find a meet in the middle solution, yes. Had ever wanted to be was a wife and mommy, and you had already had two children. You did eventually give in, but that was a pretty tough season for me to for us to navigate. 

It was, and all of the clues were there for me to, to read. You wanted to have children. Course you. You you had grown up in a large family and that was what you had experienced and wanted for your marriage. 

Yeah. 

But I was focused on the fact that we could share life with each other at that point. It's it was. Like I get to spend everyday with you. And so children was just not on my radar at that point. 

And I think that's interesting too, because it's not like we hadn't talked about that before we got married. 

No, no. 

So it is interesting how you know you can talk about all of that, which is really important before you get married, but. 

Mm. 

When you're actually in it, sometimes those things play out a little bit differently, but we were coming from two different places and pulling from different experiences. 

Yes. 

And I think these things happen a lot in marriages. 

Mm. 

It's all about how you navigate those times. 

Yes. And we've we have a previous episode where we talked about our blended family and we go into some of that, that those things in detail. So we'd encourage you to go back and listen to that episode for maybe some more background and and some some more context and some hints and tips on how to get through that together, yes. 

Yeah. Growing together in marriage means that we actively support each other and encourage growth in each other. It means that we openly communicate. Sharing new experiences, embracing changes, and working through challenges together. Let's break this down a little bit and talk about one of these things at a time. We're going to start with actively supporting and encouraging growth in your spouse. 

Yes, I think that your partner has a unique perspective of who you are. 

This important. Mm. 

They see you in every situation and they live with. Through it. 

Yeah. 

I think that you know me better than I know me. Also, encouragement and support from your spouse means so much more than like accolades from an employer or support from your work colleagues. Your partner really knows you and can see how difficult some decisions are for you to make. 

Mm. Mm. 

Where someone that doesn't know you as well, they are not thinking anything about that and so they can't. 

They're looking in from the outside, yeah. 

Looking from the. They don't know the internal struggles you're going through or the the way that you're wired, whereas your partner really does. 

Sure. Can you think of any examples? Where we've done this really well in our marriage. 

Well, the thing that I that that springs to mind is the time when I went through and did a degree. 

Oh yeah. 

So I did my degree. In the early years of our marriage. 

That was a lot because you were also working a full time plus job at the time. 

It was a lot. Plus job and but it was always a life ambition for me to. To finish. My education to the point where I wanted to be so a degree was the thing that I really wanted to do, and so that was a lot of commitment. I didn't realize what was going to be involved in that. I mean now I know. 

OK. 

I just wanted to start it and see where it lead. The actual process and things that were involved in getting that degree were way beyond what I had imagined. But you gave me the space to be able to write my papers do my reading. And so after five years of you just allowing me to do that, I finally graduated. 

That was very exciting time and there have been several times when I've taken a position, whether it be PTO president at the kids school. 

Yes, yes. 

I was the. The Children's Ministry assistant at the church. 

Yeah, yeah, did a fantastic job. 

Were on staff at. I did. The middle. I was a middle school activity coordinator for one of our full time families rallies. 

Yeah, yeah, you were. 

That and you. You supported me in that currently, of course I work for our business, but I'm also one of the managers at River Ridge Brewing here in town. 

Yes. 

You. Are so good at supporting me in that role sometimes. Even you know, on Valentine's Day we were a little short. So I trained you in about 5 minutes to work the kitchen and you heart-shaped flatbreads all night long. 

All night long. Yeah. Nice. 

Thank you. That, by the way. 

And I I even served a heart-shaped pizza to stretch. And. Did. 

You did. 

At the bar. 

And and later on I said, hey man, I served you a heart-shaped pizza. That doesn't that demonstrate. To you about the way I feel about you, these are. I don't know. So it's a little bit embarrassing. Was funny. 

And it was. It was a fun night. 

And you also do so much to help us run our business together. 

Yeah. 

They're the weekly tasks that we have. Since the beginning of the business that you've always done social media management for our clients, keeping our business accounts up to date, managing the finances, a lot of that stuff that just has to be done and you do a very good job of it and it means I. 

Hmm. 

Don't have to think so much about that. And so that's great. 

Yeah. 

One of the big these things that you do in our business is when you join me on visits with clients. That that's that makes sense. A huge difference in those meetings because we complement each other. 

Yeah. 

Our personalities are different and that becomes evident in those kinds of. 

Mm. 

We we those differences, we complement each other and that means that we can. Be in a meeting and just it goes so much better than if it was just me. Up and that's. I always joke that you're in charge of PR. 

Yeah, we definitely complement each other in those situations. Good. 

Yes. 

The next thing we're going to hit on is communication. This one is always come fairly naturally for us. I think just the way our relationship started when that was kind of all we had, you know, communicating over the phone or Internet or whatever, but there's definitely been. 

Yeah. Line, yeah. 

Some times when. Not been on the same page. 

Jesus. 

And neither of us likes conflict, but sometimes, you know, in marriage you do have to talk about hard. 

No, we don't. Yeah, I would. I would agree with. I I think we certainly pick up on what the other one of us is feeling and thinking, which is is hard sometimes because you're like I never intended for you to feel that way or receive what I just said that way. 

Mm. Yeah. 

You kind of, there's a little bit of backtracking sometimes. 

Yeah. 

But things definitely tend to break down we when we have not taken the time to communicate well for a time. Sometimes that's through circumstances. 

Yes. 

Have schedules individual schedules that sometimes are diff. We're doing different things. 

Yeah. 

And then when of course when we get tired, when you get tired as a couple, that's not a good place to sort of like where you respond the best. Mm. So we put energies into the things that we do individually and then sometimes when there's still something we need to talk about, we don't have the energy left to discuss that issue together in a good way. 

Yeah, yeah. 

So that I think is when in every relationship where little things quickly become big things. And we start assuming what the other person is thinking like. You know, maybe you're at work. And I'm thinking about the last thing we talked about and because you're not. Right there to talk about it directly, I'll start thinking a certain direction. Completely wrong. 

We start growing apart instead of together. 

And that's that's when things go. 

That's yeah. 

So we need to keep on the same page with constant communication. That's what we've found. And often when we do that, we quickly realise that the things that we built up in our minds are not as big as they actually are. Then we quickly solved the thing, and more importantly, we don't allow those wrong assumptions to build up to fester. 

To fester, I think we've gotten much better at handling these things over the years. Being aware of each others needs feelings and concerns is so important. When we understand each other better, we respond better. 

That's a good word. 

It really is. All of this takes effort, but the rewards of taking a little time to think before responding, putting yourself in a partner's place like how are you thinking? 

Mm. 

Are you feeling about this understanding where you're coming from? It really makes a huge difference in a relationship, yeah. 

I believe that sharing new experiences. Is one of the most special things a couple can do together. Whether we're working on a joint project together, learning new skills, or traveling together, these things create shared memories, and they foster growth in our relationship. 

Yeah. Yeah. 

What are some of the recent things that you can think of that we've worked on together? 

We just got through the flu. And so we have both been taking care of each other. 

Yes. 

Like making sure that you know if we're feeling like eating that something S made and. 

Yes. 

Not just in sickness, but in many areas of our life, it tends to be that when 1 is up, the other, you know the others down. And so we you one can come from a position of a little more strength and help the other one and that was. 

Yeah. 

Was like over. What? Like 3 weeks of sickness, 3-4 weeks of sickness. 

Yeah, yeah. 

Been. You know when. And you felt OK, you know, you've done some things. 

I go on massive cleaning spree, shampooing carpets, sweeping my before trying to purge our House of every germ. 

Get it out. Here and then and then when you've been down and haven't been able to do anything. You know I've cooked or done some things. 

Yeah. 

We've been helping each other through. Through that, that bout of sickness. 

We also tend to we like to kind of work on things together. If we're doing a project on the House or the RV. Now I. Not do a lot of the physical labor, but I like to supervise and moral support and all of that. 

But the moral support? 

Well, supervised. Yeah, a little bit. 

But, but here's what happens a lot of. A lot of times I ask stupid questions and that gets you thinking about. 

Mm. 

Other things like other. 

Oh yeah. 

Oh, I didn't think about that. I I say. There's no stupid. I asked a lot of times. 

There isn't a stupid question. 

Ask. Ignorant questions, I guess, just because I don't understand something about what you're doing. 

So I might start off the answer with. 

Yeah. 

A well, you know, we're doing this, this and this because of this. Then I'm like, hang on a second. Oh, why am I didn't think of that? So then I go and I find you know something that we that I'd overlooked before. 

Why am I doing it that way? I. Of. Yeah. Right. And one of the other things that we of course love to do together now is to travel. Is probably our top our top thing. 

We love that we're missing that. 

So this kind of started with the opening of a new little shop in town. Shout out to Sierra. 

Yes. 

Super excited to visit your place and. I would love to take a class together to learn something completely new that neither of us. 

I. I would like that too. 

I mean, maybe something. We both enjoy like cooking, yeah. But learn to do something in that world that neither one of us knows how to. That just sounds like that would be a totally fun shared experience, and I think that those kinds of things, I mean, where you can kind of laugh at each other and. 

It could be fun. 

Yeah. Yeah, in a group. 

That kind of stuff that definitely creates bonds in a relationship, we're going to have to sign up for one of those pretty soon. 

Oh, we will. 

Think that'd be? That'd be a fun you and me, Dave, OK. 

Yeah, it would. 

That's a plan we. 

It's a plant. 

You have been on more adventures since we've been together than most people will experience in a. Lifetime. Yes, also. I do have some fun including that some other fun ideas for our you and me. Days for this. 

OK, OK. 

So these once a month date days or something new that we implemented just this past year and I think they've been very successful in creating bonding moments for us in the middle of the kind of chaos of life where we can sit down and we can have convers. 

Yes. 

Ations and we can catch. And it's a very intentional time of togetherness. 

It is. And as we said at the beginning of this episode, it was our 23rd anniversary on February 23rd. You were 23 when we got married and so now. 

I was. 

23 is significant to us. I mean, so the 23rd of each month is our or as close to it as we can get is our date. 

Seems like a magic number. Yeah, yeah. 

Is how you and me day. Yeah. And the thing about. Is is that? That which is very happy to have a change of scenery, a good meal, a bottle of wine. It doesn't have to be the most elaborate date day ever. 

Yeah. No. 

It just has to be a time where we can share a new experience together and take time to be with each other. 

Yeah, that's so true. 

Mm. 

So how do we deal with change in our marriage? That's the big question, right? It's easy to fall into kind of just being roommates if we're not careful. Especially when kids are. Yes, our kids are a little bit older now. So I kind of feel like it's a little bit easier for us to. Out us time. 

It's different. It's very different. 

It's a different season. It's sometimes easy to forget that your partner is also supposed to be your best friend, not just someone you sleep next to at night and parent with. Although those are important too. 

Yes. 

I would say that we have both changed a lot since those early days of our marriage. We have been through job changes, family changes, health changes, personal changes and even changes in our relationship. 

Mm hmm. Yeah, we have both changed our. Has changed. We now live in a completely different part of the country than we used to. In. We used to live in Texas and that's that's a big change. 

Yeah. 

Our kids, as we said, they've grown. So they're now very independent themselves. Both have. They both have their own schedules. We earn a living now in not a completely different way, but a mostly different way than we used to. 

Yeah. 

Another thing that has changed for us is our faith walk we we have. Journeyed through this experience of life and faith, and we have come to a point where we're now our practice of faith looks a lot different than it used to. 

Sure. 

We all grow and mature as. In other words, if I continue to live a single life at the age of 30 and gotten to the 50 something year old that I am today, I would be different. To the 30 year old that I was, we all change. But when you grow as 1/2 of a committed couple as we have and as a family, those changes are shared and influenced by the relationships we grow up in. 

Yeah. 

We change and we grow together. I think the key here is how you phrased your initial question. There has been changed, but it's been changed in our marriage. That's always our. We change, but we do it together. 

Mm. 

I think that takes a day by day commitment to communication to determine where we're at individually, where as a couple. It also includes a commitment to honesty and, most importantly, a commitment to our marriage and the happiness of our partner. 

For sure, life throws changes at us all the time. I have to admit, in those early days I rode the struggle bus every time we face challenges. 

Mm. 

But as time went on. I think I begin to grow and to trust God and trust his guidance more and more in my life and in our marriage. I began to look at things with a little different perspective. 

Yes, our marriage, our lives and our life together is very dependent on the journey God has us on as we walk forward together. We have seen time and time again how much God has blessed. 

Mm. Mm. 

Those we get to share our life with and our family as we trust him more. 

Mm. Yeah, we have always used our little day trips date nights or evenings in as times to talk about things. Big things, little things and everything in between. 

We need to know that we have this zone of trust with each other where we can just talk about our life experiences. Because the more we share with each other, the more we align ourselves as a couple and as followers of God. 

We tend to stay away from dreaming together though. I tend to dream very practically. And you tend to dream very out there. Well, those things don't always fit. Now they can make for some really humorous conversations though. 

Select. 

I. And I think there's there's, there's part of our dreaming process that's I think more similar than you think. You know when you start dreaming? I instantly jump to OK, so how can we make all this happen? The time frame. 

Yeah, yeah, I'm like, well, we don't have the money for that right now. 

What are we going to? And that's kind of what squishes your dream. But when? 

Let's talk about logistics. Was just dreaming. 

But when I start dreaming usually say well, I'm just a linear thinker, you know, I just need to plan this out. And I'm like. I'm just. I'm just about it. I think the most recent thing is like, I really want to go to southern Idaho and you know, like we can't. Do you realize how far away that is to realize, like, stop. 

Which you don't. You don't realize at all. 

No, no, no. It's the whole California thing all over again. But you know, I was there and you're like. But like. So let's look at the mileage, let's say, and I'm like, no, no, I'm just saying I'd really like to go to southern Idaho. 

Yeah, but you say it like. We're going to southern Idaho this. And I'm like. 

Yeah, I just cause. 

There's no way. 

So it's like I like to say those things and just see how the dust settles to see whether it's, like, really like a fantasy dream or whether it's maybe some. 

Yeah. Or whether I jump on board immediately. 

Yeah. Yeah, I just. 

I'm trying to get a reaction. 

Yeah. How'd you get one? 

I succeed. So I think if ever we get a moment where we both like are in the right phase of dreaming about something at the same time big things are going to happen. 

Yeah, yeah. It's gonna be magic. I think maybe the only time in our marriage that we've ever maybe dreamed the same dream. Time was when we decided to move into our RV. 

Oh yes, that's that's that's what. OK, everybody, gather up. I've got this great idea. Fantastic idea. 

Yeah, family meeting. 

All move into an RV and take off. 

Yeah. And I'm like, come look at the computer. Been researching that very thing. 

Yeah, it. That was a really that was a really cool time and I think that was really an indication that that was what we were. 

I. Pretty cool. 

To do yes. 

I do too. 

The. 

Marriage is one of God's most beautiful. A sacred covenant that reflects his love, unity and faithfulness from the creation of Adam and Eve to the depiction of Christ in the church as bride and groom, the Bible paints a beautiful picture. Is. Of marriage as both a blessing and a calling. 

There are some very practical steps that married couples can take to continue to grow together. The first thing is to prioritize time together. 

Yes, regular date nights or day dates, or in our case, shared activities strengthen your bond and your spouse. 

Is that kind of like the verse in the Song of Solomon, Chapter 2 verse. 

I don't. That's kind of a saucy book, huh? 

I was just thinking of the. My beloved spoke to me and said to me, arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 

OK, that that could have taken a lot of turns. Glad you went with that one. 

The next thing to do. To pray for each other, lifting your spouse up in prayer, built intimacy and unity. 

Yeah, I can remember a time in our marriage where we were. Just really struggling to find balance with all the things and you especially were struggling and I got ahold of a book by Stormy O Martian. It's called the power of a praying wife, and I think that book. Was life changing for? It wasn't just about changing you. It was about a change that happened in me when I began to pray for you. 

James, Chapter 5, verse 16 says Pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. 

And our final piece of advice for today is to address issues quickly. Don't let conflicts fester. Talk things out and resolve them with humility and grace. 

Ephesians 426 says don't let the sun go down while you are still angry. 

Yeah, if you aren't married. These things are all good things to talk about with. Your. Your future spouse if you are married, recommit to day to prioritizing your. If you're single focus on your relationship with God and trust his timing for your life and just kind of put. This information away for the future if you're divorced or you've lost a spouse, all is not lost. One of my very favorite verses in Scripture is Psalm 3418. It says the Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit. Trust God's plans for your future. He can bring beauty from brokenness and guide you forward. 

Yes. Jeremiah 29, verse 11 says for I know the plans that I have for you plans to prosper you and not to. Harm you plans to give you a hope and a future. 

Yeah, every marriage faces challenges, but every challenge is also an opportunity for growth. When we love, serve and forgive one another, we experience beauty, blessings and growth. 

And that is today's beautiful view. 

Thank you for joining us today. Our hope is always to inspire and encourage our listeners. So we hope this episode encourage you to focus on growing together in your marriage. 

If you like what we're doing here at the Beautiful View Podcast, you can show your appreciation by becoming a supporting member for only $5.00 a month. We'll send you a Members only Beautiful View podcast sticker and a weekly encouraging newsletter to your. Your support helps us cover our production costs. The link to sign up is in our show notes. 

So be sure to check out our merch. Yes. So excited about this. 

We are so in our last episode we announced that we wanted to gift a beanie to one of our listeners. 

Yeah. 

You can see the beanie on our merch store. If you go along there. 

Yeah. We would like to congratulate Sarah. Thank you for playing. We hope you're enjoying your beautiful view. 

As we conclude each podcast, we always like to give the topic for the next episode. What are we going to be talking? 

About next time we have an exciting opportunity in our next episode to interview our friend Tom Overdean. 

Yes. 

Mm. 

Tom is the owner of both Textile Brewing and Dyersville Iowa and River Ridge Brewing, where I work here in Bellevue, IA. This episode is going to be called a gathering place. We're going to talk with Tom about his heart for these two gathering spaces and why they are important to our communities. 

Yes, this will be a continuation of a conversation that Tom and I had one evening a few weeks ago. So I look forward to chatting with him and and recording that for all of you. 

Yeah. Thank you once again for joining us. We hope you have a great day and always remember to keep an eye open for opportunities in life to see a beautiful view. 

Yes. 

We could come by mountain time. I'm not scared of where I'm going. 'Cause, I've known Sam. I'm holding. 

Hello. 

As you're going to. Not go anywhere as long as I'm. 

Yeah. 

I'd go anywhere as long as I'm here.