Today's episode is called Dear Valentine. 

Yes. 

We're asking each other honest questions about love, marriage, how we've grown, and where we're still growing. Welcome to the Beautiful View Podcast, where we encourage you to look for opportunities in your life to see a beautiful view. I'm Candy. 

And I'm Paul. When we teased this episode at the end of the last one, I said this could go either way. And I stand by that. 

True. We each brought Valentine's questions to the table today. 

Yes. 

Some fun, some meaningful, and some could be slightly more serious. 

Yes, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the beautiful view. 

So why would you say that asking questions of each other matters in marriage? 

Well, I would say because marriage gets really busy and also it gets really familiar. 

Yeah. 

In our dating days, we were always curious about each other. 

Oh, sure. 

We're asking each other questions. But when you live with someone and see them every day for a long period of time, like us, you can start taking the other person for granted. 

Sure. Questions keep us. curious. They help us check in, not just assume. Assumptions can really get us in trouble sometimes. 

Yes, they can. I think asking questions also helps our love grow instead of just coasting through our lives together. 

Yeah. 

For instance, in the last episode, I learned several things that I didn't know about you. 

Did? Like what? 

So one was that you wanted to go to Maine. 

Oh, well, I think that was just that was just from the night before from the show that we watched. 

And I knew you wanted to go to the Northeast because that's something that we missed doing when we were on the road. But now I've logged that. So Maine might happen one day. And also that you had planned to go to Australia when you were younger. 

Yeah. 

I didn't know that either. Yeah. 

And for us, our faith plays a really big role in that. 

It does. 

Loving well means choosing to grow, not just to get comfortable. 

Yes. 

So this episode is kind of our Valentine's Day We're just doing it in a really public forum. 

So this is like a test or something? I mean, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Okay, let's just jump in and do this. 

Okay. Okay, are you ready for this? 

Sure. 

Okay, so here's the deal. We have a bowl of questions that our little gnome guy is guarding up here. 

Yeah, he's looking over them. 

You picked 5 questions. 

I did. 

And I picked 5 questions. 

Yes. 

And we're going to take turns drawing them from the bowl, so it's totally random, and answering them. Okay. Some are silly and random. 

Yes. 

And then some are a little more serious. 

And we kind of know the questions in here, so there are some that I'm hoping that you draw instead of me. 

And vice versa. 

So they're mixed up, like did the gnome mix them up? 

Oh yeah, they're all mixed around. 

Okay. 

So are you ready? Yeah, so who's going first? 

I was going to ask the same question. Who's going first? 

You go first. 

No, you go first. 

Okay, I'll go first. 

Oh, she's jumping in. Okay. And you haven't, you haven't like, you know. 

No, I have no idea. Here, I'll put it back. You can mix it around. 

Okay. Can gnomes be trusted with this kind of thing? 

I don't know. Okay, or why don't you draw a question for me to ask? Oh. Then it's really fair, right? 

All right, let's do that then. Okay, so that's a single question. There you go. 

Okay. All right. Okay, so dear Valentine, what's something small I do that makes you feel loved? 

Okay, let me think. There's lots of things that you do. I think when I walk into a crowded room, that, so that happens often when I'm walking into where you work and you make a conscious effort to make eye contact with me. 

Okay. 

And oftentimes you can't, you're in the middle of something and you can't ask me how I am or whatever. But just acknowledging. You usually look in my direction and you nod to make sure that I've noticed that you've noticed me. And that makes me feel loved. Another, just going on from that as well, usually you'll invite me to sit down, sit down over there and, I'll get you something. You do that kind of stuff. So, and I think that's special because, when, you're with your partner that you've been with for a long time, like oftentimes those little touches, they don't get said or done anymore. 

Sure. 

And so, It can be the case that when you walk into a room and there are a bunch of friends there, all the friends are saying hi to each other and everything, and then, and then, as a couple, that can tend to go by the wayside, 'cause you're just sort of like, Oh, he's here, or Oh, she's here, so... I'm going to take a lesson from that and make sure that I do the same thing for you. Make sure I make eye contact with you. 

Okay. 

That sounds fair. Yeah. Just noticing. 

Okay. All right. That's a good answer. Okay. So now I'll draw one for you to ask. 

Okay. All right. We're going to make this fair. 

Okay. 

All right. Feel like this is a smaller piece of paper. What is my love language? 

Oh. So I would say that you have two at the top. 

Okay. 

One is words of affirmation, as you just kind of stated. You like to have those little... 

Kind of gave it away, didn't I? 

Yeah, you like to have those little things that are reassuring to you and make sure that, you know, you're seen and appreciated and those kinds of things. The second one would definitely be physical touch. 

Chase me. 

I think probably every man on the planet would probably, that would be pretty close to the top of their list. 

So, yeah. 

Okay. 

All right. 

And I mean, we did a whole episode on love languages back along probably last year around this time. And I think that since we did that episode and we kind of dug deep into that, I have been much more mindful of trying to speak your love language and to do things for you that I know that you appreciate. 

Because we have different love languages. 

We do. 

So yours is acts of service. And so since we did that episode, It's not that I didn't do things for you before, but now when I do things for you, like bring you a cup of coffee in the morning, I'm extra attentive because I know that, you know, that has added meaning. That means I love you. So yeah, it's a good exercise. If you're a couple, you've been together, even for a short time, then doing the, you can find them online, doing the love language test quizzes. It's fun as well. So just Yeah, go ahead and do that. Yeah. 

Okay, next question? 

Next question. So I have to draw the question for you to ask me. 

Choose wisely. 

Yeah, I'm going to go down here somewhere. Okay. 

All right. Dear Valentine. 

Yes. 

What does romance look like to you now compared to when we were dating? That's probably one of the ones you were dreading, wasn't it? 

Yeah, it was. Yeah, so, okay, so romance when we were young, you know, was the date, the holding hands, the kissing, all those things. 

All the lovey-dovey stuff. 

Yeah, I think romance today looks like time. Yeah. because time is a precious commodity. So where, we're both busy and both often distracted, but to be able to put things away and to focus on each other is, that's romantic. It's also, I feel like, I feel like you're needing more than that. So, a hug, just because it's back to the whole taking each other for granted thing again. Yeah. 

I think in our early days, we were a lot more spontaneous. It's hard to be spontaneous now because I think our lives are so full. 

Yeah, you were just, you were talking about the spa getaway for Christmas. And I was putting myself like back in, like when I was editing the episode and everything, I was putting myself back into me at age 30, whatever I was at the time. And me just kind of like being, oh, That was fun to plan and go ahead and do it. And I knew you'd be caught off guard. The other time was where we did Valentine's in Valentine. 

Oh yeah. 

And I planned that whole thing. But now, we're like, the Valentine's in Valentine was when we were on the road. So a lot of what we did was spontaneous. We live life spontaneously. And now it seems like even for our you and me day, we have to put it on the counter. 

It has to be planned. 

We have to make sure every, like all of the staffing is up to date at the brewery. I have to make sure that I've gotten everything on my to-do list done. It has to be deliberately done. And there's nothing wrong with that at all. I mean, that's just the way things are these days. But yeah, the spontaneous. I wish we could do that again. Maybe we'll have to like plan to be spontaneous. 

Plan to be spontaneous. 

Or something like that. 

Yeah. 

Okay. When have you felt most chosen by me? 

Oh, that's an easy one. 

Yeah, well, you wrote this, so you probably had something in mind. 

Well, I mean, I think when you came across here with two suitcases in hand from England to marry me. 

With everything I owned. 

I mean, I feel like that's when I felt the most chosen. And you know, I mean, I have felt that over and over again, though, through the years when people say, so what brought you here? And you're like, her? Yeah. So yeah, so that, yeah. 

Absolutely. I'd do it all over again. 

You would. 

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Definitely. For sure. 

That's a big ask for someone to leave everything that they know and come across. 

Yeah. 

You know, move to a different country with everything that they... 

Yeah. And there are plenty of reasons I can think of why, you know, a fresh start for me was attractive. But still, when it came down to the reality of actually doing that and stepping away from things, knowing I couldn't go back to them. 

Yeah. 

That was, I remember packing up my stuff and then boxing up things and giving things away. And then walking out of the rental house that I was in at the time and being like, I'm not going, I'm not going back there. 

Yeah. 

That's it. So. 

I had to bet a weird feeling. 

And driving away from Biddeford in North Devon to jump on a train and go to London and then jump on a plane. And that was... 

Yeah. I definitely felt chosen. 

All right. Okay. So I'm picking for you. I keep seeing this one because it's unfolded. 

Tuck it in. 

Somehow. Yeah. Okay. So there you go. All right. 

All right. Big deep breath. 

Okay. 

Dear Valentine. 

Yes. 

What's one thing you hope we're still doing together years from now? 

Travel. 

Yeah. 

Definitely travel. And I think that, I think that will make our. 

That'll bring back the spontaneity, I think. 

Yes, it'll make our future lives more interesting when we're discovering new things and new places together, probably new friends. 

That's probably one of our very favorite things to do together is to travel and explore new places. 

Yeah, because that takes away all the ordinary and all of the day-to-day stuff. And it is It's just something to be able to wake up in that RV and open the blinds or open the door and there's a completely different landscape outside. 

Yeah, it's actually really easy to forget where you are. 

It is, yeah. And when we're in the RV in the evening and the blinds are closed, we often say to each other, we turn to each other and we say, We could be anywhere. 

Yeah. 

Like there could be anything outside. Yeah. 

Cause it's always, it's the same inside. So if everything's closed up, it's just, it was home. 

But it's great to have somewhere familiar and a home. 

Yeah. 

At the same time as having something completely different outside. So that's really cool. I think, I think that's what we, that's what we need to get back to. And I think that's what's gonna like really, And I mean, we talked about it being our retirement plan for those reasons. And I think a lot of people choose travel as their retirement plan for those reasons. I think it'll keep us young. 

Yeah. 

You know, there's always something to fix. 

Oh, it's very physical. 

There's always something to do, something that, you know, doesn't go according to plan. So it'll keep us young in that respect too. So yeah, I think that's good. 

Okay. 

Yeah. 

All right. 

Okay. Next. 

Okay. I'm drawing one for you to ask me. 

Yes. 

Okay, I'm scared. We're getting down to... 

This is kind of fun. All right. Okay. When I read this one that you had written, I was like, I wonder what she has in mind. So here, you get this. 

Okay. 

How do you think we've grown the most as a couple? 

Oh. Yeah, that's a really good question. So when I wrote that one, I went back to those early years where we just kind of were in full-on honeymoon phase. Well, for probably the 1st 10 to 15 years of our marriage. But early, early years. It was that marriage retreat thing that we went to. 

Oh gosh, yeah. 

Yeah, so it was like, you know, we were young and in love and there was never- Just. 

Back from our honeymoon. 

Anything to have to conquer, you know, we were gonna, it was Candy and Paul against the world. 

Oh yeah, yeah, we got this thing figured out already. 

Yeah, we know way more than these people that have been married for 25 years, I mean, they don't know what they're talking about. 

No, no. 

So, how we have, grown is that we've realized that marriage does take work. 

It does. 

And life throws interesting things at you along the way. And sometimes you have to pivot in your relationship, in your, personally even. It's the, I think the thing that has kind of been the most interesting is kind of figuring out where to zig when you zag or, because a lot of times, and we've said this over and over, but a lot of times, when you're up, I can kind of, I tend to relax a little bit and go kind of down and then vice versa. when you're down, I try, we're, it just, it's always, it seems like we always kind of try to hit each other with the other opposite thing, to bring the other person up or to balance. Yeah. So. 

And there are times where we're both doing okay. 

Yeah, of course. 

And, you know, we just tick along. Those are often the times where I try to remember to ask you, are you okay? 

Yeah. 

Because usually like when we're both feeling comfortable. the conversation tends to drop off. 

Yeah, that's true. 

We get quiet when we're around each other. 

Yeah. 

And I think that happens more now because your job involves you talking constantly. And then I'm like at home talking to the dogs. They don't talk back. 

Yeah. And so a lot of times I'll come home from work and I'm just like, I just crash. And then you're like, I'm like, okay, you're going to have to give me a few minutes. 

But we're thinking we're figuring that out. And there are always the challenges that come up in life where, we both have to deal with something or one of us is dealing with something and we have to support each other. 

So I think also too, I think this podcast has grown our marriage. Like having to come up with material and having to have these conversations and for the whole world to hear and listen. 

Potentially. 

Potentially. 

So these microphones and these cameras keep us accountable. 

Yeah, to some degree they do. 

We're living our life and our marriage out in front of, you know, an audience. 

No pressure. 

No pressure. And we hope that through our mistakes and some of the things that we've learned that you benefit from them. Absolutely. Yeah. Okay. So next, where are we at? 

Whose question was that one? I don't remember. Oh, you asked me the question. So you draw now and hand me the question and I ask you a question. 

Okay, here we go. All right, let's get this one that's hanging on the edge of the bowl there, trying to escape. 

Dear Valentine, what is my favorite type or era of music? 

Well, 90s country. I was hoping to get that one. I figured that in this whole thing, I needed like an easy question. So if I messed up all the others, I'd have at least one potentially 50-50 chance. So yeah, 90s country and your son. I love the way that your son, our son, He has, and I don't even know how that happened. I mean, he wanted to. 

It just all of a sudden I'd hear him up here singing upstairs. Just some random. 

He knows the words. 

I know he knows them better than I do. 

He knows the words. I mean, he is something else. I hope that one day I can like candidly catch him singing a song. And yeah, and we can keep that forever. But yeah, 90s country, that's easy. 

Okay. 

All right, here we go. Yes. 

Oh no. 

What was my first car? 

Oh gosh, that's such a guy question. I don't pay attention to that stuff. I want to say it was like a Honda Civic or a... 

Yeah, absolutely. 

Was it really? 

No, I'm acknowledging your guess. 

Oh. What color was it? Oh my goodness, I don't know. Silver. 

A silver Honda Civic. And was it... 

Did I get that right? 

Was it automatic or was it stick shift? 

Oh, I'm going to say a stick shift. 

So why would you say stick shift? 

Well, because most vehicles in England are stick shift, right? 

From a male point of view, I'm gonna give you props for knowing that fact. 

Okay, yeah, I see. 

And let's recap. So you said a silver Honda Civic? 

Okay. 

I had a white Ford Escort. 

Well, they're about the same size. 

And it was a van. Oh. 

A Ford Escort van. 

A white Ford Escort van. 

I didn't know that an Escort was a van. I thought it was like a little. 

It is a little car, but they also made a van version. 

That was a trick question. 

No, it wasn't. 

Yes, it was. 

It actually should have made it easier because it was something unique and different. 

Okay, all right. 

And it also had, so that old Escort van, it was a 1981. And let me do the math real quick. I had it in 1989. 

Okay, so that's part of the problem. 

What? 

How old was I in 1989? 

So that car had a very unique issue. It was what we call a naturally aspirated engine. So it had a carburetor on top that made it go and it would work its way loose. And so it would just like suddenly come loose and let air into the engine and the car would just die. And I'd have to get out and I kept a screwdriver with me. Apparently I didn't know anything about Loctite. And I'd get out and tighten the screws down and then just set off again. And I knew every single time what it was. And whoever was riding with me thought that I was like some kind of mechanical genius. But it was the same problem that kept occurring over and over again. 

Okay. 

So that was a question that, this is for the guys out there. I was hoping I would get that one. 

Yeah, good job. Okay, whose turn is it? 

So I asked a question, so I'm picking for you. 

Yeah. 

Okay, there's only two left. 

Okay, we'll pick, choose wisely. 

I'm going to pick this one. 

Okay. Dear Valentine, what's my biggest quirk? 

Okay, your biggest quirk. So I've got a for instance. For instance, I don't know if anybody out there has noticed, but every single question I'm supposed to say, dear Valentine, and then ask the question. But between takes, I was scolded for not doing that. In the previous episode, you were, we were asking the questions from Emily and you would start everyone with, okay, question 9. 

Yeah. 

And then you'd say the question. 

Right. 

And I'd just be like, next question. 

Yeah. 

And I just, and I could tell that you were irritated by that. 

Yeah. 

So you like to have everything just so? 

Oh, I do. 

And in a very linear fashion. 

Yeah. 

And I'm all over the place. I'm like, you're lucky I remembered that we're supposed to do this morning. I love that about you. That's a big difference between the two of us is that, and it's not like I'm I'm not organized, I keep lists, I keep task lists and that kind of stuff. But I think that your sort of like approach to life, very organized and everything in order is great, especially when we were traveling. That was good to be planning ahead. Whereas I was just like, I don't know. Let's just see where the wind takes us. 

Let's go to South Carolina and Southwest Idaho and all in one week. 

So I love that about you. And I also think that my randomness sometimes spices things up a little bit. 

I think so too. I think it kind of, it keeps things interesting. Yeah. Definitely keeps things interesting. 

I'm unpredictable. 

Yeah. 

Okay. So you have to pick the final question for me. 

And I can't remember what's left, so. 

Yeah, we should have been doing like process of elimination. We should know. Okay. 

Oh, I do know what this question is. 

You do. 

Yeah. 

Dear Valentine, I'm going to say that first before I go. 

Okay, good job. 

Oh, this is a long one. My word, look at this. 

You wrote it. 

Okay. If I was stranded on a desert island and I could take a book, a movie, and an endless supply of one specific meal and one specific drink with me, what would they be? Do you need to have this so that you? 

Can- I probably will, because that's more than one question for the record. Okay. So if you could take-? 

I'm sure there are times where you wish I was stranded on a desert island. 

Well, at least I'll know what to pack you. 

Oh, gosh. Wow. 

Okay, we'll see. We'll see. Okay. So if you could take a book, well, you don't really read a lot of books. So I'm going to say your Bible. 

Thank you. Yeah. 

Okay. 

That's exactly what I would want. 

Okay. If you would take a, you could take a book, a movie. You know how great I am. I would say like, The Matrix or something. to challenge your brain. 

Okay. Yeah, you're right about that. 

Yeah. 

The Matrix. Yeah, that would work. 

Yeah, you like those weird brain things where you have to like really do brain gymnastics to figure out the movie. 

Sure. I also like movies that sort of like put me in a certain mood. And especially if I'm thinking about being stranded in a desert island. That's a good one. 

Castaway. Castaway. 

Wilson. Wilson. Yeah. No, I would think dances with wolves because it's a long. 

Keep you entertained for several hours. 

It would just get me, make me feel like it's okay to be stuck out in the middle of nowhere. 

Okay. All right. 

Yeah, sorry. 

Okay. 

This is more than one question, isn't it? 

Yes, it is. An endless supply of one specific meal. 

Yeah. What would you think? 

If we're talking just food, I would say ice cream. But if you're talking about meals. 

Meals, like to survive on. 

Something with mashed potatoes. 

You had me at potatoes. 

Yeah. Probably like steak and mashed potatoes and something green. 

Yeah, that's. 

Yeah. 

That's great. Yeah. Love it. 

You'd be happy with that? 

I'd be very happy with that. I'd be very nutritious. 

Okay, and once? 

Just send a herd of cattle with me. And I'll hack him up on the island. 

Okay. And one specific drink. 

Yes, I'm on a desert island, so. 

Yeah, so if you're on a desert island, I would say you definitely need some water. 

Absolutely, I need water. But in order to drink the water, what am I going to need? 

Oh, you're definitely going to need some water flavor too. 

Water flavor. 

The raspberry lemonade or blackberry lemonade or something like that, yeah. Something. You've got it. 

That would work. 

Because that's the only way you'll drink water. 

Okay. Yeah, you're right. 

Okay. noted. I'll keep that in mind. 

When you send me off to the desert island. 

I'll send you off to the desert island. I'll make sure I pack you all the things you need. 

Well, that was fun. 

That was fun. It wasn't as bad. I'm glad we ended on that one. You know, sitting here asking these questions reminds me that love isn't just something we feel. It's something we practice. 

Yes. Scripture actually tells us what that practice looks like. In 1 Corinthians 13, verses four through seven, it says, Love is patient, love is kind. It keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. 

Yeah, and that's not describing a feeling. That's describing a way of living with someone. 

Yes, and that's what marriage becomes. Not perfect love, but practiced love. In Ecclesiastes 4 verse 12, it says, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. And for us, that third strand is God. 

Yes, because when we don't have enough patience or grace, He does. 

Yes. 

And when love feels thin, our faith holds it together. 

Yes, and that doesn't mean marriage is easy. There are times when I'm sure you want to send me to that desert island, but it means you're not carrying it alone. 

Yeah, some verses that always challenge me are Ephesians 4, 2 and 3. It says, be completely humble and gentle. Be patient, bearing with one another in love. That word bearing, that's real marriage. 

Yes. Bearing with means we're growing, learning, forgiving, and trying again. 

Yeah. If your marriage feels different than you expected, that doesn't mean it's broken. 

No. 

It may mean that God is using it to grow you. 

So here's what we'd encourage you to do this week, not just on Valentine's Day. 

Yeah, sit down with your spouse and ask ask one good question. 

And not so that you can trigger an argument and not to fix each other, just to listen. 

Yeah, maybe it's, how can I love you better right now? Or, what's something small that I do that makes you feel loved? 

And then let their answer turn into your action. 

Because 1 John 3.18 says, let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth. 

Marriage isn't about getting it all right. I mean, we sure don't get it right all the time. Oh, no. 

It's about choosing each other again and again with God in the middle. 

And trusting that love can keep growing. 

So wherever you are, newly married, decades in, or if you're struggling, we hope this reminds you that love is worth fighting for. Start asking questions. not to debate or argue, but to listen to the answers and truly see each other. 

And when you slow down enough to really see each other again, sometimes that's when you get a better view of the love God's been building all along. 

And that is today's beautiful view. 

Yes. 

Thank you for joining us today. Our hope is always to inspire and encourage our listeners. So we hope this episode was a reminder to you that asking good questions, listening well, and choosing each other still matters. 

Yes, it does. And it was fun too. It was fun, yeah. This week, we'd encourage you to ask your spouse one of these questions and see what God does with the conversation. 

And if this episode encouraged you, we'd love for you to share it with someone else who would enjoy it. 

Yeah, please do. 

And as always, thank you for being a part of this community. We're grateful you're here and we are honored to walk this journey with you. 

If you like what we do here at the Beautiful View Podcast, you can show your appreciation by becoming a supporting member for only $5 a month. Your support helps cover our production costs. The link for you to sign up is in the show notes. 

Yeah, and also be sure to follow Beautiful View Podcast on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok. And those links are also in the show notes. 

So at the end of each episode, we like to find out what the next one will be. So what's it going to be about next time? 

Well, next time on Beautiful View Podcast, we're going to keep the love theme as we're coming up on our 24th wedding anniversary. 

Yes, we are. 

February is all about love in our house. We're going to be talking about being rooted in love. 

Okay. 

And talk about how faith shapes your marriage and keeps it steady through different seasons of life. 

That's going to be good. 

Yeah. 

We have definitely experienced a lot of different seasons in our marriage for the past. 

Yes, we have. Thank you once again for joining us today. We hope you have a great day and remember to always keep an eye open for opportunities in life to see a beautiful view. We'll see you next time. 

Bye.